Goodbye To The Sochi

Aw, Sochi, we hardly knew ya, now it's time to leave ya.  I know that we keep saying that it's hard to put into words how much fun the Olympics are, and part of it is because you are so focused on the fun and atmosphere that you forget about all of the little, hilariously random moments.  Like seeing guys in French unitards checking their text messages at the train station.  Or thinking you have a private joke on how the train announcer says "Esto Sodok" until you see Russians giggling about the same thing.  Or fighting with a cab driver who took you to Adler AIRport, not the Adler Port, and agreeing on an increased price that includes kisses.  (Yes, I'm aware that I talk too fast).  Or the way when Russian men "make" photos with you they want to be in the MIDDLE of the women, like you are theirs.  Or how amazing it feels to order food at a place where you get it quickly (thanks, Adler train station!).

So here we are at the end, and I'd love to share my favorites:

Favorite Event:  Ski Jumping.  Although Snowboard Cross was thrilling and exciting, the party atmosphere and the cheers of the crowd when a particular jump was achieved was awesome.  Plus, we met some amazing American siblings there!

Favorite Venue:  Biathlon.  Both days, ha ha.  The first day when it got cancelled, we made a party in the fog and had a great time even without an actual event.  And we met a super cool guy, Vincent, who partied with us all night, and a German man that gave us sweeties.  Which is now my favorite word for candy.  Then when we finally got to see the event, we were in General Admission, again a giant party, with a really intimate concession and bathroom area.  Plus-SNOWSTORM!

Favorite USA vs. Russia Moment:  Yeah, I made up an arbitrary event in order to shoehorn in our kickass hockey game experience.  8 shootouts!  The Russians were so into the game, a tiny tiny tiny tiny part of me almost wanted them to win just to see their reaction.  Honorable mention:  A chess set at a souvenir fair that had old Soviet flags and US flags on the chess pieces.

Favorite Event Where We Got To See An American Medal:  Well, there was only 1-Snowboard Cross.  But it was GREAT!

Favorite Country House:  We only went to one, but it was killer.  Austria House, we will never forget your delicious schnitzel and the roast beef and potatoes.  And the Stigel.  Definitely the Stigel.

Favorite Foreign Fans:  The Russians.  Sure, there were great costumes and friendly folks from all over (except for you, CANADA), but the Russians were great hosts, and were such an amazing home crowd for their athletes.  Plus, they kept saying "Russia and America, FRIENDS FOREVER!"  I hope we entertained them.  Honorable Mention:  Australians.  Funny and friendly.  And not too good to rub elbows with loud Americans (ahem, Canada)

Favorite Cab Ride:  The one with the drunk guys.  Mainly because it was slightly terrifying and therefore thrilling.

Favorite Stray Dog:  The 3 legged one.  Everyone loves an underdog.

Favorite Toilet:  The undiscovered treasure of the handicapped toilets with super clean facilities and no line.  Definitely not the one I hung out with for an entire night thanks to norovirus.

Favorite Christenson Sister:  Jessica.  Yes, we got in a fight.  Yes, we bickered.  But I dare you to find a sister that loves the Olympics and has as much fun with foreigners as my sister does. 

Favorite Trivia Question:  Stella the Fella.  Look it up.  You can finish reading this when you've stopped laughing.

Favorite Olympian Name:  Freek Van Der Woort.

Favorite Handsome Olympic Athlete:  Hot Norwegian curling guy.  Otherwise known as Mr. Handsome.

Favorite Concession Food:  Well, besides beer.  Chocolate Donuts!  The food was that terrible at the venues.

Favorite Security Pat Down:  I feel like Adler Train Station gave the best breast massages.


I'm sad to leave.  My flag is sad, too.  Our flight is at 5:30am, so that means no last super fun night, because I'm not in my 20's and know what that would feel like on the flight.  We'll have our final awards to post and lots more random thoughts once we have a chance to put a few hours of sleep together in a row stateside.  This is important, because I'm already dropping my articles and other unnecessary words like our new Russian friends. Until then, Dos Verdanya!!

How to survive cancellations of Olympic proportions

If ever you take a 1 hour trip to the top of a mountain in Russia, and the biathlon competition gets cancelled, follow these rules: 

1) Make friends with an awesome French dude. Sing the French national anthem with him (P.S. Learn some foreign anthems. It's good for you.)

2) Buy your booze before the concession stand closes, pretty much as soon as you hear the event is cancelled. 

3) Do not, I repeat, do NOT get into the ridiculous line to go back down the mountain. This is insanity at its best.

4) Find the stage. That one playing a mix of American hits and Russian electronika. If there is no one dancing, pull out your American flag and start dancing. The Russians will arrive in droves to "make a photo" and dance with you. Try to get them to limbo under your flag. Fail. 

5) find the snowmobiles. Just in case you need another way down the mountain. Think like James Bond. In the meantime, take 20 photos of yourself with the snowmobiles. And the security guys guarding them. Bonus points if they LOOK like Bond villains.

6) Video the 90% Russian crowd with you. They're unintentionally funny. 

7) Find the bar next to the gondola down the mountain that the tricksy concessions people hid from you. On the way in, grab some Haribo from that crazy German dude with a stuffed eagle that's Parrot sized. 

8) Accidentally wander into a team area and get your photo with two handsome German Olympian speed skaters, after asking them for directions in German, like they're your tour guides. Get their thoughts on how humiliating it is to wear ugly neon outfits at opening ceremonies when you're a badass.

9) Make Russian volunteer (who is a dead ringer for your Russkie MBA roomie) wait for you while you pee, before he personally guides you down the mountain after it seems to be closed. 

10) Negotiate your cab ride home with a group of "taxi" drivers. Yell "nyet" when you do not get the price you want. Don't be surprised when you go home in an auto with no seatbelts. Be thankful they are not drunk like your taxi driver from the other night. 

11) Drink the welcome home vodka shot. Because this has been one of the best nights of your life. Ever. #sochi2014